Rooney - Glam Girl: 05.10

Thursday, May 27

Dear Ashley

I'm sure you already know, because your her guardian angel now, but your sister had the baby.
Ever the dramatic - in the back seat of her car on the way to the hospital.
Kaeson Asher Goldberg.
Congrats, your an aunt again.
Wish you could be here.
Miss you and love you with all my heart.

Saturday, May 22

Dear Big

I need to tell you something. I can't let you pull me in multiple directions anymore. I will never stop loving you or stop being in love with you. I need you to choose me. I need you to make the big move, the grand gesture - make the earth shatter.

If you don't. I'm leaving for good this time. No looking back.

Dear Ashley

I really wish I could talk to you right now. You always knew what to say to push my buttons, but sometimes you knew exactly what to say to make everything right again. I have so much to tell you and so much to say and no one to say it to in the way we could talk. I miss you so much I can't breathe. It's one of those nights. Everything should have went one way and it went another. I need you to calm me down from the edge.

Thursday, May 20

We Build Bridges, Liz Durrett LYRICS

We build bridges
Don't we
Sometimes need a hand

Despite our best laid plans
Don't we
Sometimes miss what we had

And we struggle
Don't we
Sometimes lose the reasons

But in the peaceful morning
We can clearly see
Where we've been

Oh, and the tide pulls us out, alright
Oh, and the tide pulls us out, alright
Oh, when the tide brings us back
How sweet it is

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/liz_durrett/#share

Stop chasing unicorns.

I am so emotionally and physically drained right now. I just cried out every last tear. I'm still in love with Big no matter what I do and I hate it. I have finally gotten to that point where I think I need to separate myself from him completely, because ultimately we are too destructive to each other. We have that kind of toxic, crazy, undescribable love that makes you insane. It's not healthy and I can't do it anymore. I can't hold onto something that has no future. Despite all of his faults I would be more than content to know that I could spend the rest of my life with this man. We are both to afraid to make it happen, so I'm giving him an ultimatim. I know I will lose him through this and it's going to kill me at first, but I will be okay. When he breaks my heart for the last time I will get rid of everything that reminds me of him and block him from my life. It will be final this time. No going back.

I'm trying so desperately to love someone else. I've realized this is what all of my frivolous relationships have been about. It's what everything I do is about, apparently. I'm tired of him ruling my life. I need to be free from this emotional abuse.

It's not fair to anyone, especially me to continue on like this.