Not so midnight rant...

I am an emotional cutter - a masochist of sorts. I'm not sure what causes it, but I like to feel pain deep inside. I keep going back to these guys that cause more hurt, than good. It's not just the bad boy mentality, but the really bad man that I'm drawn to. I'm not sure why I continuously make these same choices - over and over and over and over and over again. I'm emotionally exhausted and bleeding out. With every text message, facebook stalk, or voicemail listened to I gag. I don't want them when they pay attention to me and if they ignore me I can't breathe. I'm not sure what I want anymore...