Wednesday, April 28

Fidelity Options

How firm are relationships? They are so many different forms and variations, it's ridiculous.

Big and I tell each other daily how much we love each other. We call each other husband and wife and talk about our future children.

Yet, both of us are seeing other people. 

It's not fair to any of the people we are seeing... he's telling his new gf that he loves her. 

I'm dating. I'm not exclusively dating anyone, but I'm not sure the guys know that. I'm in too deep. 

I'm watching this movie and everyones cheating on everyone. It makes me sick how people go back and forth. 

New Obsession Alert

Go to this website!!!

The Man's Guide to Love

Tuesday, April 27

Tear Stains

Ashley -

I need you to roll your eyes at my decisions. I need you to laugh at me and make me feel silly for ever thinking the things I do.

I want to plan your 21st birthday surprise. I loved our birthday breakfasts.

Remember that one time you told me I was beautiful when I cried? I must be gorgeous right now.

Tu es mi amiga and mi hermosa. Es la ama de mi vida.

I wanna do u-turns in the rain and make you sing at the top of your longs.

xoxo,
Me.

To my friend and sister.

Dear Ashley (Ashbashbagosh),

It's been so long already. I'm not sure I will ever stop talking to you or trying to see you. Everywhere I go I see your face, your smile, your eyes - watching me. I can hear you say my name and try to tell me that every things okay.

It's not okay. I miss you.

It has been 4 months and 9 days since you died.

I'm still mad at you. I can't believe you left and your murder haunts me everyday of my life. With every breathe I take, I take them for both of us.

You always did have to have everything your way.

Love and Tears,
Jess

P.S.
Everyone misses you a whole hell of a lot more than either of us ever realized. You have changed so many lives.

If I die young, Band Perry LYRICS

if i die yound burry me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh ooh ooh

lord make me a rainbow i'll shine down on my mother
shes knows i'm safe with you and she stands under my colors
oh and life aint always what you think it ought to be
no it aint even grey but she burries her baby
the sharp knife of a short life
well i've had just enough time

if i die young burry me satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
the sharp knife of a short life
well, i have just enough time

and i'll be wearing white
when i come into your kingdom
i'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
well i've never known the lovin of man
but it sure felt nice when he was holdin my hand
there's a boy here in town
who says he'll love me forever
who would have thought forever could be severed
by a sharp knife of a short life
well i've had just enough time

so put on your best boys, and i'll wear my pearls
what i never did is done
a penny for my thoughts oh no i'll sell em for a dollar
theyre worth so much more after i'm a gonner
and maybe then you'll hear the words that i've been singin'
its funny when your dead how people start listenin'

if i die young burry me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh the ballad of a dove
go with peace and love
gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket
save em for a time when your really gonna need em.
oh the sharp knife of a short life
well i've had just enough time
so put on your best boys, and i'll wear my pearls 

Saturday, April 24

Letting Go, Jessica Harp LYRICS

My phone rings and my machine picks up
How many times is that today?
That you've called me just to say hello
And I say I've been doing okay

I missed you, now I don't
I gave in, now I won't
I loved you, now I can't
put my heart through all that again

Sometimes gone is really gone
Sometimes baby people just move on
And letting go means letting go
And I did, but you won't, let go

No I haven't found somebody else
Maybe I'm not ready yet
I'm not saying that I want you back
That's a past, please understand

I missed you, now I don't
I gave in, now I won't
I loved you, now I can't
put my heart through all that again

Sometimes gone is really gone
Sometimes baby people just move on
And letting go means letting go
And I did, but you won't, no you won't

I missed you, now I don't
I gave in, now I won't
I loved you, now I can't
put my heart through all that again

I like your beard...

Wednesday, April 21

Love Like Heaven, Sara Buxton LYRICS

(Verse 1)
Mama was right when she said I was somethin',
I never could quite keep my feet on the ground.
So much to say never holdin' back nothin,
My heart on my sleeve with my head in the clouds.

(Bridge 1)
I want true love,
Always have always will,
And I won't give up till I feel how it feels.

(Chorus)
I've felt the butterflies,
And had the mad crush,
I've felt the earth move,
With just a single touch,
The passion in a kiss,
But what I'm wantin is...
Sweet forgiveness,
Eternally in this,
Sacred gift were given,
A love like heaven.

I'm gonna find it.

(Verse 2)
Some people tell me I'm foolish and crazy,
It's somethin so perfect it just can't exist.
They say I've been watchin' too many movies,
These great expectations have put me at risk.

(Bridge 2)
Yeah but I know better,
Always have always will,
Call me a dreamer,
But I just feel what I feel.

(Chorus)
I've felt the butterflies,
And had the mad crush,
I've felt the earth move,
With just a single touch,
The passion in a kiss,
But what I'm wantin is...
Sweet forgiveness,
Eternally in this,
Sacred gift were given,
A love like heaven.

(Bridge 3)
So I keep my cool,
I keep my faith
I know that there's a better place
Where there's no pain and hearts don't break and forever means forever baby

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

(Chorus)
I've felt the butterflies,
And had the mad crush,
I've felt the earth move,
With just a single touch,
The passion in a kiss,
But what I'm wantin is...
Sweet forgiveness,
Eternally in this,
Sacred gift were given,
So surrender,
Sweet and tender
Angels wings up lifting,
A love like heaven

I'm gonna find it

A love like heaven

Mmmmmmm...

Kiss Me


So let's face it, a first kiss is life changing. It can determine everything about the relationship. It can be cute, sweet, funny, passionate, sexy, or intense. (And if it's really good - it's all of the above!) From the time we are little, thanks to Disney, it is instilled in our brains that a simple kiss can move mountains. Whether you are Giselle, in Enchanted, singing to the forest creatures about the possibility of touching his lips, or Sleeping Beauty being awoken by true love's kiss - a kiss is everything.



The new one, FB, did not make his move yesterday. He has however, regretted it, apparently. We haven't stopped texting - last night and this morning he expressed his regrets. Now, all he's able to think about is kissing me. So why didn't he? The boy was beyond nervous... it was almost cute.

I've decided to give him another chance, Friday night. I like him, I really do. His texts give me butterflies and I'm hoping he will be less nervous, so I can see him shine just as much in person.

All for love, Serena Ryder LYRICS

Slipping through the hole where the moon don't shine
Spent too long trying to make you mine
Kept on running but I fell behind
Butterfly better fly away this time

Lost my place in the line again
Put it back on the shelf and let the dust settle in
I always thought we'd that be more than friends
I always thought that we were different

Ohhhhoohh
Ohhhhoohh

I'm all for love
But I can't see the light
Tell me how to do it
Tell me how I'm gonna get it right
I'm all for love
I'm gonna try it again
I don't wanna give up
Cause I'm all for love

Nobody knows where the hell I've been
Gonna make a fool of myself again
Keep on getting stuck up in the same old scene
Baby why'd you have to go and be so mean

Ohhhhoohh
Ohhhhoohh

I'm all for love
But I can't see the light
Tell me how to do it
Tell me how I'm gonna get it right
I'm all for love
And I'm trying again
I don't wanna give up
Cause I'm all for love

I don't believe in praying on your knees
Just let me leave I'm over the fantasy

I'm all for love
But I can't see the light
Tell me how to do it
Tell me how I'm gonna get it right
I'm all for love
And I'm trying again
I don't wanna give up
I don't wanna give in
But I can't see the light
Tell me how to do it
Tell me how I'm gonna get it right
I'm all for love
And I'm trying again
I don't wanna give up
Cause I'm all for love

Tuesday, April 20

Defining George Clooney


I will not be a George Clooney. Apparently I have been acting like one my entire life.
Big defined this for me today -
  
  George Clooney:
         Emotionally unavailable, because they do not fully believe in love. These people are too cynical and ultimately realistic. They do not believe in being 'cute', but 'exact'. In addition, they can make the opposite sex fall in love with them at the drop of a pin.

Huh...

Post date...
G rated - so much so I forgot it was a date.
More later...


P.S.
Just proposed to Big. He agreed. Ha!

Butterflies

I have major butterflies... my date with the new boy is in 45 minutes! I don't usually get like this... do I like him more than I realize???

Oh and the librarian just told me he loved me... shit. How to break it to him, that I am - well, just not that into him.

Monday, April 19

Love in need of a nickname

Ok I think we have texted for a consecutive 12 hours today... and we haven't even went out yet.

Friendly Notice

Big officially made his new relationship with the milf facebook official... It's almost comical how fast that boy moves. Apparently the new one is pretty off as well - she already said the L word and is telling him how much she misses him... seriously? Oh and she's like way old + 3 kids... winner? No.

Another new one...

Soooooo kittens I have some news!!!

I have a date tomorrow! With F. He's relatively new... I've known him for awhile, as friends, but we have both always been in a relationship. So tomorrow we have a lunch date!!!

It's getting rather complicated juggling all these men! I've got my 'man friend' - Big, 'the librarian' - MN, 'quiet boy' - CV, 'the serial dater' - CT, 'cowboy' - J, 'nympho caller' - JP, and 'the other one' - STB.

WHAT AM I THINKING?!?!?!?!?!

Major Girl Crush


I totally envy Vanessa Williams. She's gorgeous, sophisticated, and seems so put together!
So sad Ugly Betty ended!

Tik, Tok


Ok so I always thought that the infamous biological clock was just a thing that women get... Big has proved me wrong. (surprise, surprise - he changed my expectations about something?)

Anyways - I'm just wondering how many more men are feeling like Big right now. I'm looking at the relationships that I have and have had with guys, and on almost all occasions they are more desperate for a steady relationship than I am! It's not just me either, I have a ton of girlfriends that aren't that considered at the fact that they are single! It's the boys! Yes, I feel it sometimes, but not all the time! Have we finally switched roles completely where it's the men that need us??? Or am I just finally realizing something?

Sunday, April 18

Real life love story: Let's watch a horror movie and pretend he does not exist...

A simple hello can drive a conversation in many directions. Missing someone is derived from many emotions, that ultimately drive you to say, hello.
I'm still wishing on the bright star that eventually I won't need anyone - meaning, I won't get hurt.
I know where friends... so why do I have that little pang of jealous? You know the one, where your insides hurt so bed, because he's happy - and it's not because of you?! Shit.
The lows of tonight, consist of texting him and watching a crappy horror movie - starring Kristen Caval...who cares?

Friday, April 16

Paparazzi, Lady Gaga Lyrics


We are the crowd
We're co-coming out
Got my flash on it's true
Need that picture of you

It's so magical
We'd be so fantastical

Leather and jeans
Garage glamorous
Not sure what it means
But this photo of us

It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights
'cause you know that baby i

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

Baby there's no other superstar
You know that i'll be
Papa-paparazzi

Promise i'll be kind
But i won't stop
Until that boy is mine

Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

I'll be your girl
Backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars
Yeah 'cause you know i'm starting

Between the sets
Eyeliner and all the rest

Shadow is burnt
Yellow dance in return
My lashes are dry
Purple teardrops i cry

It don't have a price
Loving you is cherry pie
'cause you know that baby i

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

Baby there's no other superstar
You know that i'll be
Papa-paparazzi

Promise i'll be kind
But i won't stop
Until that boy is mine

Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

(real good)
We're dancin' in the studio
(stop stop)
That song on the radio

(don't stop)
For anyone
We're plastic but
We'll still have fun

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

Baby there's no other superstar
You know that i'll be
Papa-paparazzi

Promise i'll be kind
But i won't stop
Until that boy is mine

Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

I heart Glee

I'm currently working on my audition for Glee... wish me luck!

SJP Love - Vogue

Thursday, April 15

Happy Thursday

Today I love...

  • God
  • Mid morning naps
  • My eye mask
  • My man friend... (Big)
  • Mommy
  • Ninny
  • My darling doggie
  • Crappy chinese food
  • Apple Bran Muffins (accompanied by skiddish 20 something, with voice still in puberty, but ever so cute as he tried to talk to me)
  • Rocking Blue Planet test!
  • Oversized blue Beatles t-shirt
  • Grape Lipgloss
  • Goldie Hawn

Wednesday, April 14

Smitten

I'm so smitten
Won't you be my mitten?

Contemplation is overrated...

If you knew what was happening tomorrow, would you hold me?
If you knew everything I went through today, would you grab me and kiss me?
If you knew all of the things that I had been keeping from you, would you stay?
Will you remain, after everything.
I want to tell you, but I can't.
I try and fail.
I end up hiding behind a happy face.
When will I face up to the reality we're facing?
We probably won't make it until the end.
We will never get our happily ever after, because that's not how things go.
We aren't destined for meant to be.
So why, do I keep fighting for you and me?
I want to tell you. I really do, but I don't want you to feel compelled.
Tomorrow could tell me a lot of things.
One question, unanswered, am I meant for you.
I'm nervous and going through everything alone.
I should say it aloud, to get it off my chest.
You should be here with me as I get those answers I've been waiting for...

Tuesday, April 13

Won't you be my muse???

I'm wondered a lot about the different relationships that I have with people today...

There is my wonderful family, the closeness I share with my aunt and the familiarity of my mother. My little dog, that knows all my secrets just by looking at me.

Then there are the people that I meet from the parking lot at school, getting on the bus, to trolly along to class. These interactions are quiet, but understood, and completely predictable.

I get to class and the girl I sit with has saved me a seat. We don't talk about anything deep, but there is an innate comfortable feeling.

I go onto my next class, where I switch roles and save a seat for quiet boy. He comes in almost late everyday and we have a spoken and unspoken routine, in which we greet each other and continue a conversation from last week. I wish I felt more attraction for him, because I know we would be good together. Sadly, he is more like my lovable brother than anything else... things would be so much easier.

Then there are the casual texters. MN has become quite the regular. I'm afraid as more time passes, he's going to be harder and harder to get rid of. I can spot it now, the break from him won't be pleasant. He has attached himself to me quickly and is already trying to get me to say the dreaded "L" word. I oblige his texts, occasionally. I almost feel bad at the fact that I'm not sincere in my replies. Then, I move on.

I heard from Nick today. I don't know if I have given him a nickname, so I will just use his real name until something better comes along. I deeply care about him and find it hard to keep things casual. We have had two classes together over the past year and our bond became strong, quick. This is the second time we have talked to each other since, Easter. It was just a quick conversation and it left me wanting more. I wanted to keep replying, but didn't want to seem too eager. Now, I wish I would have continued talking to him.

I talked to serial dater yesterday. A friendly 'hey', turned into him calling me sexmuffin and me treading on icy tracks. Very easily I could breakup his engagement... very easily... I'm not going to, at least not yet. He will do it on his own and then come running back, like he always does. It's our pattern.
I haven't heard from the cowboy or STB in a while. I got bored with them and I guess the feeling was mutual.

And finally, on to Mr. Big. We have continued our month long running, lunch time, hour long, conversation - yesterday and today. This seems to be our new pattern. In addition to our good mornings and good nights, we now find it impossible to stay away from each other in the middle of the day. Like clock work he calls me everyday between 12:30 and 1. And before either one of us know it, an hour has gone by, and I could have sworn it was only 5 minutes. I'm so screwed... friend or more he's all I want.

I don't know where to go from here or how I should really be feeling about everything, but I'm trying to be content for now.

Sunday, April 11

Time after time, Ella Fitzgerald LYRICS

What good are words I say to you?
They can't convey to you what's in my heart
If you could hear instead
The things I've left unsaid

Time after time
I tell myself that I'm
So lucky to be loving you

So lucky to be
The one you run to see
In the evening, when the day is through

I only know what I know
The passing years will show
You've kept my love so young, so new

And time after time
You'll hear me say that I'm
So lucky to be loving you

I only know what I know
The passing years will show
You've kept my love so young, so new

And time after time
You'll hear me say that I'm
So lucky to be loving you
Lucky to be loving you 

Happy 300


This morning I watched Julie & Julia, for the hundredth time. It was fitting, because today is the day I post my 300 blog!
BON APPETIT! 

Saturday, April 10

and 1 more makes 300...


The last few days...

  • Fell madly in love... with myself
  • New pink bike with pretty flower horn and streamers (to be added)
  • Shopping spree with wifey
  • Little to no time left for Big... leaves us both cranky
  • Went to the doctor finally...
    • Now on happy pills
    • Monitoring acid reflux/ulser
    • Checking the rest on Thursday morning - ultrasound (gooey?!)
    • Possible skin cancer... :(  Tbc...
  • Sleepover with wifey and red
    • Ke$ha obsession
    • new cds
    • playing dress up
    • 4 am make up sessions (must show how to perfect smokey eye...)
    • wifey ended up on the floor (didn't know how)
    • I ended up in another bedroom (didn't know how)
    • red got the whole bed (wtf!)
    • reds car got egged
    • mmmm... Ben & Jerry's
    • Target 
  • Continuous flirtation and trying to move on from Big obsession temporarily, before getting painfully bored with MN.
  • Tomorrow zoo...
Yup, that's about it for the last 72 hours kittens... hope your having a fantastical weekend!

Wednesday, April 7

Movie Reviews...




Geraldine, Glasvegas LYRICS

When your sparkle evades your soul
I'll be at your side to console
When your standing on the window ledge
I'll talk you back from the edge
I will turn your tide
Be your shepard and your guide
When your lost in the deep and darkest place around
May my words walk you home safe and sound

When you say that I'm no good and you feel like walking
I need to make sure you know thats just the Prescription talking
When your feet decide to walk you on the wayward side
Up upon the stairs and down the downward slide
I will, I will turn your tide
Do all that I can to heal you inside
I'll be the angel on your shoulder
My name is Geraldine, I'm your social worker


I see you need me
I know you do 

Tuesday, April 6

Addicted

Sooo... my bff Big just sent me pictures of his new haircut.
Is it too much to tell him I want to lick him? :(

I didn't... don't panic. Instead I told him how much I loved the new do and how sexy he was... oh and that I loved him in black... Too much???

He sent back kisses and now were in a kissing war... fml.

Pretty Little Liars


I just finished the latest book in the Pretty Little Liars series...
It was utterly fantastic!


Frustrated

OMG HOW CAN I GET IN TROUBLE FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T START!
OH AND EVERYTHING WAS COMPLETELY INNOCENT!
THIRD WHY - WHY THE HELL DOES HE POST HIS ENTIRE LIFE ON HIS FB STASUS'?
I'm talking about serial dater btw... he hasn't actually said anything to me, but I know what it's about it.

Today I wanna be...



OLIVIA PALERMO
TALK ABOUT MAJOR STYLE ENVY!!!