A little catharisism...

I'm okay. Every time I need a little push in the right direction, God let's me know. I was freaking out today, because of Scott. What's new, right? So I finally IM'd him and we talked for a long time. Then he called me and we talked some more. Mostly about his new found faith, but I'm not as worried about him now. At all actually... He's okay. I'm okay. We're finally okay.
We realized what I already knew, but could never face. We were once in love with each other, but that grew into just loving each other. Not romantically... and that's also okay. He seemed like a completely different person. He's so positive and understanding, and he actually listened... so did I. He's stopped drinking and getting high and him and the girl are waiting for marriage... (this I loved... he's only kissed her. for this alone, I am okay.)
We talked about random things and important things and love, happiness, faith, and general beliefs. I confessed to him my new found self proclaimed New Years resolution, that I'm going to stop looking for love and let if find me. I'm going to stop dating guys that aren't good to me and wait for someone actually worth waiting for. He apologized for everything and didn't fully believe me when I told him, he was not the reason for my sudden life change. I laughed if off and promised him I didn't regret ever loving him, but ever trying to love the three or four after.
He confessed that things weren't wonderful with the girl, but bumpy and that he was trying. I told him (and I really meant it) to work at it, because love isn't easy and anything worth fighting for can suck. He agreed and quickly changed the subject. For the first time we were okay.
I told him he I was sorry we stopped talking. Not because I was still in love with him, but because I just loved him in general. He was more than just a boyfriend or a lover, he was one of my best friends. He told me he felt the same and I didn't question his intentions. For the first time in a long time, I really believed what he was telling me. It didn't feel like before when he told me things he thought I wanted to hear. He was honest and it felt like the first time we started talking when things were new and we were getting to know each other.
Shortly after this he invited me to his baptism. I declined after making sure it was in fact in Florida and not New Mexico... I would go if I could. We made plans to see each other eventually, but nothing concrete. In my heart, I know we will. I don't know why God chose him to be apart of my life, but he is. Maybe he's not my soul mate, but a member of my family I didn't know I had.
I have closure. This is good... really good. I can breathe again. I don't think I'm going backwards this time. I think we can actually go forwards together and not regret what happened. I love him. He loves me. We're okay. I'm not confused anymore. We aren't in love with each other and it maybe one of the best things that has ever happened to me.