Where is the line drawn between sexual fantasies and perversions? When does a little bondage turn into something more harmful and alarming? When did men decide that women were expected to become porn stars in the bedroom, in order to fulfill their kinky needs. Like any other experienced gal, I'm okay with handcuffs, but when you start gagging me and telling me you want me to cry while you rub yourself up against me - we have a problem.
The cowboy has decided that it is proper to request that we take things to the next level in the bedroom. While we have not actually done the deed in person yet, due to his heightened engagement out of town, we have been sexting, cybering, whatever you want to call it. Today things started off nice, but then they took an interesting turn, actually disturbing when he started to describe something that made it sound less like a fun bedroom romp and more of a rape scene. I have a problem with this. It was alarming and made my opinion of the cowboy go from interest to disgust. I've done some interesting things to say the least for men, but this was even wrong in my moral standards.
Which brings me to my next question - what have I done to make him think that making me want to cry during sex is okay? Did I seem too open or mislead him in some way to make him think that this is what I wanted? I told him a little domination was cool, but this?! It wasn't in the least bit sexual, it was revolting. If I never spoke to the cowboy again it would be too soon. I haven't broken things off with him yet, I was too disgusted to reply so I just turned off my computer, but I know I have to speak to him eventually to tell him to go to hell. Do I tell him why first? Maybe if I explain to him how alarming this behavior is, he'll realize what he said was wrong. I don't know, but something tells me I bit off more than I could chew on this one.
I'm embarrassed to admit that this even happened to me, let alone that the cowboy did this... after everything what sickened me the most was that all I could think about was what Scott would think about the cowboy and his request. Would he think differently of me? Would he be alarmed? Would he be jealous of the new boy in question at all? And why the fuck am I still asking myself what Scott thinks. Today has been a disappointment to say the least. Yet again, my opinion of men has sunk lower than I thought it would go. At this point, the male species on as a whole is going to do something pretty freaking drastic, in order for me to ever trust someone with a foreign chromosome again. I am so over this.