Make me stop...

The only reason I still talk to you is because you make me stop.
My thoughts literally screech to a halt.
My heart stops beating and the only thing I know is that I don't want it to stop.
I would rather not breathe than go without you in my life.
It kills me that you aren't right beside me all of the time.
I want you more than I have ever wanted anything.
It scares the hell out of me to think that I could let you in
and let you know what I'm really thinking.
It scares me even more to think that maybe you don't want this as much as I do.
I can't explain it.
I can't tell anyone else how you make me feel, because if I do
- if I stop and be honest with everyone,
including myself,
I will be vulnerable.
I will be open to wounds and a full blown target to heartache.
I can't survive losing you.
Not again.
Not for real this time.
You life me up just to knock me back down.
We've got this pattern down to an art
and I'm starting to get dizzy.
I want a cigarette and vodka
to forget
forget everything you've ever promised me.
I'm afraid to love you.
I love you anyways.
I don't know how to tell you.
I'm afraid I'll lose.
I look at your picture
and hold onto what I thought we always were.
My head is going to explode.
Cause if you go I go
and I lose myself.