Mr. Big Saga #99

Dear Cassie -

Here are the exact (cliff notes version) conversations from the past few weeks with Mr. Big and I... usually taking place on a Sunday/Monday and today proving the occasional Tuesday.

Since we've broke up the most we have gone without speaking to each other has been 12 days. This was just one time... usually it's once a week.

Four weeks ago:
Sunday - IM
We're talking and he tells me things aren't good with snaggle tooth. I ask if he's okay and he replies no. He's broken off the engagement. I do happy dance.

Three weeks ago:
Sunday - IM
We start talking (I initiate on FB). He tells me things are bad with snaggle tooth and hints at missing me.
End up talking about nothing for 2 hours.
Monday - Text
He texts me an early valentines day love forward. I reply with a question about whether or not he's went to the doctor yet. (The night before he told me how crappy he had been feeling and I was worried it was h1n1, his symptoms seemed like mine when I had it.) My concern turns into an inquisition lasting three hours full of flirty texts back and forth.
Two hours later right before I go to work, he says he's missed talking to me and that he loves our banter.

Two weeks ago:
Sunday - I text him after much deliberation and say Hi.
He replies and we talk for about an hour just about our week on text. Normal stuff.
Sunday night - he calls me four hours after our conversation. Sadly my phone was already on silent for the night. He leaves a sweet message that I end up listening to about ten times the following morning. I decipher that he is nervous to be calling. Just happy he called at all.
Monday - I text him around 11 (not too early so he doesn't think it's the first thing I did when I woke up - this took a lot of strength to restrain myself.) I FB stalk him and find out he's broken up with snaggle tooth completely.
Monday 1 pm -
He calls me. We talk for about 3 minutes and I tell him I need to call him back. In the very short period of time he admits that he misses me and we need to talk.
Monday 2 pm -
He calls me back, because I haven't called him back. Cute, right? We talk for 40 minutes. At first, dumbly enough about the laundry I'm folding. I think we flirt back and forth. In the last ten minutes he insinuates that when we were together it was the only good relationship either one of us have either had. I tease him about talking that way and tell him his fiance would mind, even though I know they are over. He says blatantly we're over. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how. I say my fake condolences and before I know it he says, "it's really okay, she was never good for me, she wasn't you." My heart stops. I don't reply and he makes up some lame excuse about a knock on his door and that he has to go, but we should definitely talk later.
Later didn't come for 6 days. I tried calling the day after and even left a cute message, but got nothing back. Feeling rejected and stupid for reading anything into it I sulked.

This past weekend:
Sunday:
Valentines Day.
I told myself all week if he doesn't say something first on Valentine's Day, I'm done.
Well technically he doesn't have a complete strike out, because I'm not sure who did what first...
Sunday afternoon 4ish... :
I text everyone in my phone book Happy Vday. At the exact same time he calls me. I'm not sure which came first - this is where the strike out comes in. I don't really know and honestly I would like to believe otherwise... I ask him what's up and he replies just wanted to call and say Happy Valentines Day. I say that's nice, trying to play it cool - really freaking out.
We continue talking for 30 minutes... almost making me late for my party! Over that time we fall back into talking about us. I ask him what he's doing for Vday and he replies nothing. He wants to know who the lucky guy is I'm spending the night with and won't believe me at first when I say no one. We talk briefly about my dating mishaps and after I say I've never had a good relationship - he takes it personally, as he should, and says he was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't agree, but laugh it off and  fall back into flirting back and forth. I said something like, "Oh you think were going down that road again" and he replied "Well, were only ever good together." Then I said, "I don't see you coming here anytime soon, so it's a mute point." He say's "you never know. It's where I wanna be, so I wanna make it happen. Wherever you are is home." I try to laugh it off, because I can't think of anything to say. In our usual fashion of running away whenever anything gets serious I tell him I have to go immediately, because I'm going to be late. He tells me to cancel on the girls and spend the night with him on the phone. I say no and tell him I have a life, jokingly.
We leave things unsettled.
Sunday 5pm:
I call him "accidently" while trying to call Danielle. This is a lie - I'm waiting in the parking lot for the girls, and want him to think he's the last thing on my mind and that I do indeed have a life without him. He makes fun of my phone skills and makes me promise to call him, immediately after I reach Danielle. I wait 5 minutes and call again. (Not meeting girls until 5:30... was way early accidently in freak dash from the house after talking to him the first time.)
He answered on the first ring and told me he had been staring at the phone. We started flirting immediately. He asked what I was wearing for my big night out and I told him. Later sent pictures he requested... I know something is wrong with me. He complimented my shoes and told me I was the only person in the world that could pull them off. (Cheap shot with me I know, he  knows how to work me.) When we talk it's like we talk like we have a future together. We talk in "we's" and "us" and refer to each other not as old friends, but for lack of a better word as lovers.
5:30 comes way too fast and I'm standing outside the restaurant trying to say goodbye to him, but neither one of us want to hang up so we keep adding one more thing - much to the dissatisfaction of my gorgeous girls. They look at me like you do when I mention Mr. Big. (Disgust, pitty, obsurd curiousity, etc.)
7 pm:
He texts and says I know your busy, but have you seen Lady Gaga's shoes in the bad romance video. I reply no and he sends me a picture. He wants me to get excited about them.
9 pm:
I finally reply back to him about the shoes. We end up talking about my avid fascination with shoes and his lack of fashion knowledge in general. It's playful and innocent.
This lasts until 11 pm.
He say's goodnight and that's he's loved spending the night talking to me. I say goodnight and he sends two more texts telling me to have fun with what's left of girls night and that he'll talk to me tomorrow.
Monday -
1 pm
Text him picture of my silver bedazzled converse. Simple "thought you would appreciate these" accompanying the photo.
He replied "lol".
I take his one word reply offensively. Don't reply.
Tuesday (today):
5:30 pm: out of work and fumbling with phone. Stare at the screen willing myself not to call. If he wanted to hear from me he would have called by now. I hate myself for looking at my phone. While looking at our texts from day before, accidently hit call. Listen to two rings after realizing what I've done and hang up. Shit.
He calls back literally seconds after. I act coy. I tell him there was a cop driving by and I had to hang up, in order to distract him from my ding dong ditching. He yells at me for using my phone while driving and I tell him it's none of his concern. After 6 minutes, he's not having any of it... we flirt until hanging up. He makes me promise to call when I'm home so he knows I'm safe. Mmmhmm...
6:30 pm:
He calls and wants to know if I'm alive since I've never called. I don't answer.
He texts the same thing.
I reply with sorry got busy.
He texts "meany :P " He's secretly two I swear with his vocab sometimes.
I reply "that's your best come back? sad day."
He calls again. Twice.
I reply "on the other line".
7:00 pm:
Call him back and he picks up immediately. "Finally! I missed you!" We fall into our pattern instantly. Talking like we've never missed a beat. Throughout the hour we barely let each other get a word in edge wise. Finishing each others sentences and talking over each other just to be heard. I tell him how much I hate men in general and he says not me of course. Somehow we get to talking about how people are just doomed in general to let each other down. He tells me he never wants to hurt me again. I say the same. Like the conversations before we both hint at wanting to say more, but neither of us really do. He say's again we could be good together, before saying goodnight.

This really all seemed to be happening for a lot longer than four weeks. I don't know, maybe it's my over analyzation of every little thing... I don't understand why I do the things I do with him. He's not the hottest guy I've ever dated. He's not the most responsible, reliable, etc. I cannot explain what it is with him, but it's like some weird obsession. I'm afraid to say it out loud, because then it makes everything real. Or in his case, some of the time, not real. I don't know... when I write everything down it makes it sound silly and not as intense as it felt at the time. I don't want to want this again. I know he's worth my trouble than good. I can't stop...